“Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it’s always your choice.” – Wayne Dyer
From day one of this journey I told myself “I am not going to have a bummed out depressing post!” It did not take long for me to realize that if I am being totally honest and putting it all out there, I will certainly have ups and down’s, sooner or later. There are some big changes in my life right now. They are good changes. This coming Monday I start a new job, a great job with benefits and great pay. I know very cool, so what’s my deal? Well the job I left yesterday was for my Dad. I have worked with him for 2-3 years and it has been crazy, fun, and emotional. When I decided I was leaving I realized how much I really enjoyed working there. Not because of the pay or the job, but because it was time I got to spend with my Dad, good times and bad. My Dad and I butt heads a lot, but the relationship I have with him is something I would not trade for anything in the world. I am really going to miss him, worry about him and want to mother him even though he told me “You are not my Mother” lol my response to that was “I am the closest thing you have got, so deal with it!”
Given this chain of events has brought out the “EFF IT” attitude in me this week. I have spent my week feeling sorry for myself and feeling overwhelmed. When I feel like this I do what I have always done…EAT! I eat whatever I can just to eat. It is ridiculous, it is not because I am hungry or even because I am craving something. It is because food calms my nerves and it is what I have always done. This is one of the first times in my life that I really know that I have a serious problem. I am a control freak, as I believe my dear diet buddy Angie has pointed out. lol It seems that I can keep control of everything except being able to lose weight. When you like things a certain way, as I do and they change, you feel like you are losing control. When my control is lost so is my ability to stay on track and focus on my weight loss journey. So this is my sad pathetic excuse for a bad week. However there is one more thing that it has made me realize and it is that I need to fight back and win this battle! This is what I have always done, therefore I will continue to get the results I have always got. I have heard a saying about that many times. Out of all of the excuses I need to get rid of, this is the biggest one that needs to go! Come Monday when I weigh in I sure hope the results are not as bad as I feel like they are going to be. My saving grace just may be the 50/15 challenge because I will have most of my exercise in by then.
Lesson to me…Do not let change detour me from the bigger changes that I am working on. Stay focused on my why and don’t expect different results doing the same things that I have always done. It’s okay to have a bad week as long as it is not two then three. I am worth every second I put into making things better for myself and the most dissapointed person of all when I lose control is, Me. So really I am in control, in total control I just need to take the initiative to steer it in the right direction. Change is good, it can be hard and sad, but if it is for something better then it is good and neccesary and so very much worth while!